went on a little walk downtown, messed, and got back late

listening to: "bring it on home" - led zeppelin

Emily is home from Senegal, and we are all grateful to have her back with us. She suffered from a wicked case of dysentery during her last week in Kaolack, and spent all of Thursday in the emergency room, having exhibited symptoms of what we thought might be malaria, but now looks to be residual dysentery. She still has a medium/high fever, chills, and cold sweats, but the tests for malaria came back neg, so we're hoping it's just a virus. Because we kinda like that kid.

Things are okay on the home front, though my general restlessness and desire to live like a normal (read: independent) 23-year-old seem to be grating on both me and my parents. I know that not all people graduate from college and are immediately able to live on their own and support themselves and I know very few people who pay off all their college loans immediately. Anyways, I'm still hankering for a car, but have to suss out my finances before I apply for any car loans or lay out a couple grand (which I don't have) for a clunker of any sort.

I was offered a job as a server at a brewery about 14 miles away, and I filled out the application today. I had to alter my availability at S*Bux for the first time ever, which did not please my manager and was a rather painful experience all around, but I'm one of the only ones there who don't have two jobs already, and I just feel like I have to dig myself out and start moving in a direction, any direction, as long as I'm not just stewing here in Indy. I feel like I'm in gestation. Mike wasn't excited about me getting a second job, not because (in the case of S*Bux) it limits my availability at my first job, but because it limits how available I am to him. But he has two cars and an apartment and a well-paying job and insurance and he's older and more-or-less already dug out of the early-twenties-pit-of-occupational-doom. I will make time for him because I want to, regardless of my two jobs, but I resent being told to be sure to make time. If I needed a guilt trip, I would go to church. I am hoping that having a second job will a) supplement my income, b) make it possible me to get a car, c) break up my S*Bux boredom, and d) not kill me.

I saw Radiohead last night, and it was incredible. Probably one of the best shows I've ever seen. No, not "probably." It was one of the best shows I've ever seen. And that is true even though the circumstances were a little ridiculous! The girls I was supposed to meet got into a car accident on the way to the show and ended up not coming, so I was stuck by myself. Instead of being awkward and uncomfortable and not enjoying the show, I decided to have a good time. I drank a lot of beer and made friends with a group from Montreal and Grand Rapids-- really cool folks who actually like the music-- who like the band because they're talented, not because they're trendy. Radiohead played "Everything in its Right Place" and at that moment I transcended onto a higher plane of existence. It was amazing. Their music is so hypnotic.

So right now it's Monday and I'm in the cafe of my store on my laptop. I'm a little over-caffeinated for a day off, but have moved out of the twitchy stage and into the good-energy phase. I've finished hammering out my new availability with my boss, I've filled out my application for the brewery, and I think it's going to rain. I hope it does. The air outside is so thick and heavy. It's sickening. If it rains, the humidity will break and maybe our basil will stop turning brown and withering. My newest succulent, the East African Paddle Plant, is looking pretty gross. A whole leaf just turned into jelly and fell off the other day. I don't know why, but I hope it stops because it is a dang cool plant.

Anyhow, I am hoping things will fall into place, or that at least one thing will work out okay so that I can have some semblance of order in my life. I don't need or even want everything in my life to be orderly, and I can make myself happy in most places, at most times, but one or two well-ordered things can really make my day. That's all.
Be well, friends.



shalom.